Body Speak: What Are You Really Saying?

Are your words - and your success - undermined by your body language? Joy Aimée helps you identify your personal style of 'Body Speak' and offers tips for improvement.

Pointing his finger and scowling aggressively at the television cameras, President William Jefferson Clinton stated, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." He then gazed down, clenched his lips and swallowed, his Adam's apple fluttering nervously.

Usually the consummate performer, under the duress of the Lewinsky Inquiry in January 1998, Bill Clinton's body language was 'out of sync' with his intended message. While his words protested his innocence, his facial and body gestures shrieked, "I'm lying!" and the whole world agreed.

First Impressions are Fast Impressions
When Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say," he could have been talking about Clinton. In fact, he was referring to the largely unconscious way others assess us and we, in turn, assess them. Despite what we might like to believe about our own impartiality and lack of judgment, this evaluation process happens every time we make visual contact with someone. And, even though we might insist we don't judge a book by its cover, our first impressions are formed according to our opinions about the other person's appearance and body language.

Research shows that more than half of all human communication takes place nonverbally. Furthermore, when meeting someone for the first time, we have between 30 seconds and two minutes to make a good impression - and that's before we open our mouths!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words
The first thing to remember about body language is exactly what Clinton forgot. Our facial and bodily gestures must match our words. If we tell the client we have all the systems in place to meet his tight deadlines, our face and body have to project our absolute confidence that we do. Otherwise we create our own credibility crisis.

Leadership is about perception. It is about appearing confident to others so they believe we know what we are doing. It doesn't mean lying to cover up mistakes - in fact, if Clinton had told the truth right from the start, the whole Lewinsky affair might have been over before it started. Providing strong business leadership means projecting a persona to clients, suppliers and staff that enables them to feel comfortable working with us. This creates the ideal win-win situation in which everyone feels his or her needs will be met.

Win-Win Body Speak
There are two basic Body Speak postures. These are defined as Open/Closed and Forward/Back. Frequent eye contact, appropriate smiling and occasional nods of agreement characterize the type of facial gestures used by a person practicing open body language. Typical body language for the open posture would include keeping the arms loose and unfolded and making gestures with an open palm. When sitting, the legs are uncrossed with both feet resting comfortably on the floor. Forward body language reinforces the positive message as the whole body is tilted slightly forward and towards the speaker. There are no barriers, such as desks, chairs or bags, between those who are interacting.

Open body language conveys interest in the other person and their message. It signals the other party that they are being listened to and the messages are being accepted.

Closed Body Speak, on the other hand, is defined by a lack of eye contact or encouraging facial responses such as smiles. The arms are folded, creating a barrier to interaction. Similarly, the legs are crossed, reinforcing the subliminal message that the speaker is not being heard. Furthermore, if the person is practicing Back postures, such as leaning back, looking up at the ceiling, doodling on a pad, yawning or cleaning their glasses, it indicates they are probably ignoring the speaker or passively receiving the information.

In a situation where a win-win outcome is desirable, such as a first meeting with a new client or inspiring your sales team to greater productivity, Open/Forward body language is not only desirable, it is essential.

Seeing Eye to Eye
In most cultures, the Japanese being one notable exception, looking someone directly in the eye signifies sincerity, trustworthiness and confidence. On the other hand, failure to meet another's gaze implies disinterest, lack of confidence, insincerity or shiftiness. Making eye contact is, therefore, vitally important to success in business.

So is a firm handshake. In researching this article, abhorrence of 'wet fish' handshakes was expressed by both males and females. Deborah Barit, who owns the Sydney-based company Impressive Interviews, specifically trains her clients in open body language techniques essential for making a good 30-Second Impression (see box 1). She says that the two clearest indicators of nervousness and self-consciousness are refusal to make eye contact and a limp handshake. Both convey a strong message of, "I don't want to be here!"

Of course, moderation always applies. Gazing into another's eyes arouses strong emotions and can increase stress levels! There is definitely a point where maintaining eye contact is no longer seen as friendly but instead is interpreted as an aggressive power play. A rule of thumb is to look away after three seconds.

Likewise, there are definitely some people who have such a strong grip that shaking hands with them can be very unpleasant! If you have ever been told that your grip is too strong you need to moderate the pressure you apply.

Becoming Conscious
Most of us would like to believe we are positive people who convey confident body language. The only way to check that this is actually true is to do some research.

The Camera Doesn't Lie
Have someone make a videotape of you conducting a meeting or interview (don't forget to ask permission of the other participants). When you play back the tape, ask someone who will give honest feedback and whose opinion you trust, to watch with you. Turn the sound off so you can concentrate on your body language.

During the first viewing just notice your gestures. Do you look relaxed and professional? Do you make eye contact with everyone present? Do you slouch or is your posture upright without being stiff? Are your arms loose and relaxed, your gestures natural? Do you use open palm movements? Do you have any irritating habits such as flicking hair from your forehead, removing and replacing glasses, tugging at your tie, coughing, sniffing, giggling or wringing your hands? Is your voice modulated and varied or is it a monotone? Do you smile? Too much or too little? What did the other person watching with you notice about your performance?

Now write yourself a question on your notepad: Does my body language support my verbal message? Then divide your page into two columns. Label these: Open and Closed. Watch the tape again and this time, categorize all of your movements.

When the tape finishes, tally up each column. Were there more open or closed gestures? Did any body language indicate nervousness? Any bad habits? Could your professionalism be compromised or undermined by any aspects of your current Body Speak?

Becoming conscious by identifying potential problems is the first step towards changing behavior.

Fake it 'Til You Make it
The next step is practice, practice, practice. As often as possible, practice common business situations, such as 'meeting and greeting,' in front of a mirror. Make this rehearsal as authentic as possible, even dressing in the correct business attire. This will automatically make you feel more 'businesslike.' If your staff and clients are amenable, continue to videotape your performances in meetings and conferences. This way you will be able to see your progress.

You might also consider joining organizations such as Toastmasters and the National Speakers Association (see box 2) as they can be of great assistance in developing confident mannerisms. Bridgit English, who works in IT and is President of the Deloitte Toastmasters Club in Sydney, says of the organization, "Doing my certification through Toastmasters has helped me immeasurably… I also use a video camera to monitor my progress. I often provide my evaluators (every speaking opportunity at Toastmasters is evaluated by a club member) with a specific list of body language questions for which I would like feedback."

As with anything in life, the more you practice, the greater the level of proficiency and ease. Meantime, the old maxim, "Fake it 'til you make it" still applies. It is also true that the more you focus on the needs of your client, suppliers and staff the less self-conscious you are about how you appear to others. Once self-consciousness leaves, true confidence can take its place.

Mirroring
Mirroring is a technique that has come to us from the animal kingdom. Primarily a survival adaptation involving the less powerful taking on the behaviors of those dominating them, mirroring is a fascinating method of "winning friends and influencing people."

The opposite of egoism and self-consciousness, mirroring is, perhaps, the ultimate in focusing on the needs of others. In terms of body language, it means mirroring back to others their own gestures. Unless carried to extremes, most people do not realize their movements are being copied. They simply know they feel a great deal of empathy with the person who is mirroring them. This person seems to understand them, it is like they have known each other for years instead of just a few hours.

One highly successful person who attributes mirroring as a factor in his career achievements is top selling Sydney real estate agent and Laing and Simmons Licensee, Bart Doff. He describes his chameleon-like ability to adapt to the person he is with as, "Communicating in his or her own language." An example of this would be if the person gesticulates or swears a lot Bart then imitates this behavior because, "Number one on my list of what makes a successful real estate agent is an ability to instantly get along with buyers and vendors alike and adapt to their personality."

Smart Body Speak is Good for Business
Whether or not you decide to go so far as to mirror your client's Body Speak is up to you. However, by practicing open body language and making sure that in every situation you support your verbal message with facial and body gestures that say, "I am professional, confident, ethical and competent" is not only good sense, it is also good business.